i think i have two assholes
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
