I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
