His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Randomize
