i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
