He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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