obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize