I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
