I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
