hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
