ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
