My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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