So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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