Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My vagina just clenched in fear
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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