He asked to "fluff my boner.."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
