walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
