i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
