Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize