I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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