hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
