well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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