not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
