that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
