I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize