I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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