whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
