you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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