There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
whose parrot is this?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
