Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
