So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize