I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
