i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
40s are totally the cure
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
