Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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