Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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