Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
