I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
