I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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