so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
