I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
