did you get engaged???
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
