My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
