dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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