Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Congratulations! We have a period
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