my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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