Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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