so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm just crazy horny about you
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
