she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Randomize
