Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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