Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
