dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
