All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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