She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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