are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
