direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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