Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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