Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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