in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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