I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you would pick up someone in the library
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
