I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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