He told me they were just razor bumps!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
