Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
