When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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