You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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