what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
