i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
