all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
