so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
