Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
