is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The Olympian is in my bed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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