I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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