The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
