woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
