he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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