Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
