two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
