Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
