Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
