my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you win again, gameday.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
