I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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