Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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