I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
