Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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