I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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