i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
