I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
