i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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