Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
