he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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