who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
