Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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