I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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