friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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