i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have aggressive nipples.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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