My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize