i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize