I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
