And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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