Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
