It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
