He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
