I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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