We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
